Adventures in Sleep Depravation

I’ve taken to reading a lot lately, not anything useful of course, like my boring books for my Literature class. God no. I’ve been reading internet things. This is never good, nothing productive ever comes from me and the internet interacting on a casual basis.

Especially when I’m sleep deprived. Like right now. Yesterday I was also sleep deprived. Every time I sat in a chair my brain went all “YES, SLEEP NOW DEEP SLEEP” but I couldn’t sleep because I had to work so I put so much caffeine into me that I became a freaking MACHINE of being awake but really was incapable of accomplishing anything. And then last night I gave my brain permission to sleep (as I generally do every night) but it got all holier-than-thou on me and decided it wanted to stay up alllllll night and do nothing but be extremely excitable about internet memes. Then I went to the gas station at 6AM and bought 2 Starbucks coffee can things and watched the sun rise.

But the second the first ray of sunlight graced my presence, asshole-brain decided that’s when it was time to sleep. Because I’m now an opossum and have to be nocturnal? No, I have daylight responsibilities asshole-brain, so fuck off. Conscious self took control over my needy body and its physiological requirements for things like sleep and proper nutrition. You know what body? I OWN you, bend to my will. I SAID BEND DAMMIT.

But it’s a losing battle. Apparently when running on no sleep, normal everyday activities such as walking and having proper vision take a lot of skill. Walking straight takes all my willpower. I go slow, keep my balance, and eventually make it to my destination. But it’s a struggle when giant mutant flies that can’t possibly be normal size because when did they start making flies that god damned big plunge in front of your face like you’re a freakin bug zapper and disrupt your focus and sense of determination and you have to throw your arms out to protect yourself from the impending doom and make loud exasperated noises when you realize your holding a cup of hot coffee that you just catapulted into the air and need to avoid because you decided to wear one of your nice shirts today in hopes that the fanciness will distract people from your hideous sleepy death face so you stagger like one of your legs is falling off and land on a conveniently placed outdoor barbeque

...*deep breath*…OK, I’m better. I’m calm now.

Don’t worry, the shirt is safe.

I probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive in this condition either. I did anyway because I am a SURVIVOR and I don’t let my physical needs get in the way of my hopes and dreams. Forgetting which side of the road your supposed to drive on isn’t that bad anyway, everyone does that sometimes right?....Right?

Sleep deprived me also has an irrational fear of anything that moves. This includes, but is not limited to, squirrels, birds, cars that I didn’t see as I started crossing the road because I have tunnel vision, more squirrels (they’re EVERYWHERE) and my own body parts that decided they wanted to move involuntarily. Sleep deprived world is a scary place.