Because i grew up in the 90s, I've been around just long enough to be older than the internet but not old enough to appreciate it. The internet is not to be appreciated anyway, it is fickle and pissy. i can still remember when the internet first entered my house through the phone jack. I didn't understand what it was because my little brain could not comprehend an electronic world that only existed in wires and big scary looking machines and was actually only made of numbers. I STILL don't understand that. It doesn't really make sense, but I don't have to understand how it works, all I know is it does and I can use it.
Back then, it worked slowly but it's all I knew so it was ok. I was unaware of the speed it was capable of so I waited excitedly for things to load like it was a game. What would come first: the picture I was going to look at or my attention span breaking. Usually I would wind up being distracted by a squirrel outside the window or the TV or some dust blowing by…it didn't take much. But the point is eventually it loaded every time. The internet used to be reliable!
Then they made wireless internet, and they were all like "Hey, you can get on the internet anywhere within the 20 inch radius it gives you!" And we were all impressed even though it didn't make much of a different because they hadn't made a practically priced laptop at that point anyway so no one needed to move around. But our simple minds were all atwitter over the possibility.
Well you know what I say? The internet people are liars! Wireless internet sucks. But those sneaky little internet peoples got all up in our faces with it and now there is nothing but wireless internet. Everywhere I go, the internet is wireless! I don't even know where it comes from anymore, its just floating around in the air cooking our brains like a giant microwave (probably not true, don't be scared. But be cautious, it's only probably not true). The problem with wireless internet is that it likes to stop working occasionally, usually at the moments when it is most important that I use it. Even when the little internet symbol in the top corner of my MacBook tells me I am connected with perfect reception it'll still go all "You're computer is not connected to the internet." To which I respond "NO. I am connected to you internet. Don't try to hide behind failed loading screens trying to blame my poor computer for your deviance. I know. You're just trying to fuck with me!"
(click and it's bigger!)
And at that point I usually have some sort of nervous break down and wind up rocking back and forth in a dark corner muttering something about cheesecake and drooling a little…it happens. And if I ever go find someone and tell them the internet is trying to make me jump out my window they'll go to the computer and it works. Like nothing ever happens and my friend will look at me like I'm crazy. Wireless internet is trying to kill me, slowly and painfully. But if you noticed in the picture, I am not quietly enduring this attack on my sanity, oh no. I am assembling an army of internet-infiltrating super gnomes which I will use to overthrow the system. You will not win interwebs!!!!!!
IRONY. When I tried to post this, my wireless stopped working! I will not submit to you internet! FEAR MY GNOME ARMY!!!!!!!!11onetwo
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