Finals. They start today. Finals make me crazy. Like seriously, I can't handle that. Finals make me crazy to the point where I'd rather slowly melt my brain with a candle until it oozes out my ears and then make jello with it so I can sit and cry in a dark corner and paint incoherent messages on the wall with brain-flavored gelatin. I picture it a pinkish orange color. Like a salmon, or a coral. Anyway the point is I'm psychotic and may not make it till friday.
The main reason for this is Astronomy. Usually, I enjoy Astronomy because it's like being in third grade again only now I understand advanced concepts about time and space a 10 year old's brain can't comprehend. But now that the semester is over, it's really hard because they're going to test me on how well they crammed all their useless space-knowledge into my head. They didn't do a good job. All I think about as i study for this exam is how useless it all is. When will I EVER need to know how a black hole destroys things? It's by Spaghettification, by the way. Yes that is a word. Spell check doesn't recognize it, but it's real. It's when gravity is so strong it rips you in half, then rips those halves in half, and keeps doing that until you're just gone forever. It also keeps squeezing you smaller too. So it's like spaghetti…astronomers are really creative I know.
And I also would like to know why on earth the history of astronomy is relevant to my life. I have to memorize all these Greek philosophers and all the things they thought about space. And they were all wrong too. Which is dumb. To test my theory of will-I-ever-need-to-know-this-ever-in-my-life-after-I-take-this-final I asked my sister if she knew any of it.
Me: "Do you know which astronomer decided that everything in the sky moves around on crystal balls around the earth?"
Sister: "Are there choices? I would know if there were choices."
Lies.
Me: "Your choices are:
Plato
Eudoxes
and a Velociraptor
Sister: "Velociraptor." She thinks she's funny.
Me: "Sorry, you lose. It was obvious really. Everyone knows Velociraptors hunt in packs so a single velociraptor would never make an astronomical assumption on its own. Haven't you seen Jurrasic Park?"
The point is, No one cares about failed predictions of some old greek people. And because of that conversation I have spent the rest of my day completely distracted with the thoughts of Velociraptors. Apparently, raptors are highly judgmental of our actions. Here's an artists rendering of the moral of this post:
Okay for the record, I know the answer. It's is both A and B. Plato came up with the idea, Eudoxes made the model, Aristotle kept running with it. And also for the record, I am hilarious.
ReplyDelete